• February 13, 2024
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    • Ten Ways to Raise Low Self Esteem

      Embarking on a journey towards self-love is akin to navigating the unexplored realms of one's own consciousness. As an avid advocate for personal development, today I want to delve into the profound topic of self-loathing and low self esteem.

      In this article, we'll unravel the intricate layers of where low self esteem comes from, exploring its origins, the modern-day factors that exacerbate it, and most importantly, how to foster radical self-love to break free from its clutches.

      Understanding the Roots of Self-Loathing

      Self-loathing, at its core, is an intense dislike of oneself, encompassing feelings of inadequacy and a distorted self-image. This psychological phenomenon can be traced back to various factors, with childhood experiences playing a pivotal role.

      Research suggests that the relationship we develop with ourselves is heavily influenced by our primary caregivers. Those fortunate enough to experience a secure and loving childhood tend to cultivate a positive self-image, while others may grapple with self-hate if early relationships lacked emotional security.

      The impact of past traumas, whether experienced during adolescence or adulthood, can further contribute to self-loathing.

      Failed relationships, conflicts with friends or partners, and unresolved issues from the past can leave lasting scars on one's self-perception. 

      Social media, with its pervasive influence, plays a crucial role in intensifying dissatisfaction by fostering unrealistic beauty standards and exacerbating feelings of inadequacy through constant comparison.

      Environmental triggers, negative inner critics, and the societal pressure to meet unrealistic standards also contribute to the perpetuation of self-loathing.

      Unhealthy relationships, whether with parents, spouses, or friends, can further fuel the destructive cycle, leading to a constant quest for external validation

      Recognising the factors that contribute to self-loathing is the first step toward liberation. By identifying self-hate as a detrimental psychological pattern, individuals can initiate a transformative journey towards radical self-love. 

      What Causes Low Self Esteem?

      Childhood Foundations

      Research suggests that the way we relate to ourselves is deeply influenced by our early relationships, particularly with our primary caregivers. Secure and loving connections during childhood contribute positively to self-perception, while the absence of such experiences often leads to internalised negativity. This can create internal struggles even for those who outwardly appear gifted.

      Past Trauma

      Unpleasant events, especially in relationships, can trigger feelings of being unloved and unwanted. Breakups or conflicts can shape how we view ourselves, carrying these insecurities into future connections and making relationships more challenging.

      Impact of Social Media

      Our relationship with social media can significantly contribute to dissatisfaction. Constant exposure to curated images of success and beauty can lead to unfavourable comparisons, fostering a sense of inadequacy and purposelessness in our own lives.

      Environmental Triggers

      External comments, whether rooted in reality or projections, can intensify self-loathing. Remarks about physical appearance or personal attributes can trigger insecurities that may not have existed before.

      Negative Inner Critic

      Hyper-vigilance and fear of failure can give rise to an inner voice that magnifies shortcomings and fosters extreme self-loathing.

      Unrealistic Standards

      Unrealistic societal standards, fuelled by commercialism, can create a sense of inadequacy, contributing to self-hate.

      Unhealthy Relationships

      External pressures to meet perfectionist expectations from parents, spouses, or friends can lead to self-doubt and abhorrence when validation is not achieved.

      Internalised Stigma

      Even with a positive background, internalised biases and unrealistic expectations can hinder self-acceptance. For example, if you believe that true happiness hinges on being exceptionally attractive and successful, and anyone not meeting these criteria is deemed worthless, you will need to re-evaluate what defines a worthy individual.


      Co-dependent relationships, where one is overly reliant on others for validation, whether in the caregiver or the caretaker position, can lead to feelings of low self-love, especially when faced with the challenges of independent decision-making.

      Taking Life too Seriously

      Cultivating humour and not taking everything too seriously or personally can be crucial in overcoming self-loathing and navigating life more smoothly. 

      How to Overcome Low Self Esteem and Self-Loathing:

      Identify Self Hate


      Recognise and challenge negative self-talk, realising that these thoughts are not factual but harmful patterns.

      Prioritise Action


      Acknowledge the unfairness of living in cycles of self-hate and commit to building a positive relationship with yourself, giving yourself time, attention, and determination.



      Engage in physical activity to release endorphins, restore balance, and improve overall well-being.

      Reflect on Triggers


      Understand when, why, and around whom you feel your worst self, and reflect on the circumstances triggering these feelings.



      Educate yourself on self-esteem myths and adopt a more neutral approach towards successes and failures, prioritising action over self-perception.

      Journal & Meditate


      Document your journey towards self-improvement through journaling and meditation, fostering self-reflection in times of crisis.

      Find the Source


      Explore past experiences to identify contributing factors to self-loathing

      Change Mindset


      Challenge the validity of negative self-perceptions by reframing thoughts and recognising the subjective nature of feelings.

      Seek Help


      Consider therapy if self-compassion is challenging or external support is desired.

      Look at the Bigger Picture


      People are mostly focused on themselves. Overall you are relatively insignificant to others. Remember this to liberate yourself from constant preoccupation with others' opinions.

      Tara Brach

      Radical acceptance is the willingness to accept ourselves and our lives as they are. A moment of radical acceptance is a moment of genuine freedom.

      In conclusion, the journey to raise your low self esteem is a profound exploration of your inner landscape. By acknowledging the roots of self-hate and embracing radical self-love, you can break free from the vicious cycles that hinder personal growth and well-being.

      The emphasis should not solely be on maintaining an elevated sense of self but cultivating a balanced self-perception resilient to external triggers. 

      Through unwavering self-compassion and unconditional love, you can embark on a journey towards genuine freedom and a more fulfilling life.


      happiness, personal development, relationship problems, self belief, self esteem, self help, self improvement

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