Low self-esteem affects us all. It does not matter whether you are an athlete, a teenager, a high achiever or unemployed, a woman in her twenties or a man in his sixties. Low self-esteem can be at the heart of many issues including body dysmorphia, eating disorders, depression, dysfunctional relationships  or addictions.

In a 2017 research in the UK by Dove, it was found that 61% of 10-17 year old girls in the UK have low self-esteem. This is indeed a very sad statistic. Unfortunately among teenagers low self esteem is widely experienced, possibly as a result of the impact of social of social media, sub standard parenting skills and abusive upbringings. Having worked with people from all walks of life I have seen first hand how a sense of self-worth can literally transform lives.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. It is our individual subjective evaluation of our own worth. The higher our opinion of ourselves the higher our self-esteem. Other words for self esteem are self-worth, self-regard, self-respect. 

When we have a healthy dose of self-esteem we tend to have positive feelings about ourselves. We believe we have the skills needed to deal with life. We appreciate what we can do and we have an honest respect for our own abilities, potentials and value. This in turn helps us deal better with life's ups and downs. 

On the other hand if our self-esteem is on the low end we will tend to see ourselves and life in a more negative and critical light. As a result, we will feel less able to take on challenges and cope with setbacks. 

Having high self-esteem is not the same as being 'full of yourself'. Real self-esteem is not arrogance or vanity. In fact such an attitude is most likely an attempt to overcompensate for a hidden feeling of low self esteem.

Why is Self- Esteem important?

Having high self esteem does not mean that you need to love yourself no matter what you do.  But there is a difference between beating yourself up for a mistake and judging yourself to be a terrible human being who can never be redeemed and pinpointing what the bad behaviour was in the specific situation and seek to learn from the experience. 

In other words you can be self critical and have high self esteem but only when you use criticism constructively as a way to take responsibility for your actions rather than as a weapon to damn your whole personality as worthless. 

There is a difference between telling yourself: " I am totally worthless because I was rude to my colleagues and I will always be hopeless as a result" and "I behaved badly at the office yesterday with this specific person in this specific time and I want to learn how to be better at communicating"

Shame, guilt and self reproach do have a place if you behave badly. However, if you have low self esteem you will feel these feelings even if you don't.

Self-esteem is important because it heavily influences people's choices and decisions. The more you trust in your capacity to deal with life and the healthier your opinion of yourself the more likely you will be to be motivated to explore your full potential.

We all have times when we lack confidence and do not feel good about ourselves. But when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can have a very harmful effect on our mental health, our relationships and our day-to-day lives. It is therefore critical to our ability to live a happy and healthy life. 

What causes low self-esteem? 

It is a fact that in terms of self esteem, we are all born equal. Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Our teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media send us positive and negative messages about ourselves.
And often the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you.

Perhaps you found it difficult to live up to other people's expectations of you. Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem. Bullying, neglect and abuse can condition a child to think it is their fault they were treated unfairly. 

Personality can also play a part. Some people are just more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves in an attempt to avoid rejection from others.

Can high achievers have low self-esteem?

We may assume that high achievers must have high self esteem. However, this can be incorrect. People who have a wide variety of skills and talents can still suffer from low self-esteem. They may be perfectionists, demanding the impossible from themselves and then falling short. These people are not telling themselves that they have done a pretty good job. They don't give themselves much credit and talk to themselves in ways they would never talk to anyone else. 

This is because it is often easier to build self-confidence rather than self-esteem, It is  easier to hide behind prizes and achievements than facing up to the fear of being imperfect (and therefore, in their mind, a failure).  But as anyone who has been to university knows, a long list of abilities and achievements is neither sufficient nor necessary for healthy self-esteem. 

Keeping on adding certificates to the list in the hope that they may one day be enough won't fill the emptiness inside the same way that higher status, income, possessions, relationships, or sexual conquests sex won't.

At the heart of this behaviour is an attempt to prove to themselves that they are good enough, while at the same time secretly dreading or 'knowing' they are not.  

How does low self-esteem affect us? 

If you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide yourself away from social situations, stop trying new things, and avoid things you find challenging. In the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations might make you feel safe but of course this can backfire because it reinforces your underlying doubts and fears. It teaches you the unhelpful rule that the only way to cope is by avoiding things. Living with low self-esteem can harm mental health and lead to problems such as depression and anxiety.

Another way in which you may try to cope with your feelings of low self-worth is to develop dysfunctional habits such as as smoking and drinking too much, self-harming or addictive behaviours. 

Low self-esteem is characterised by lack of confidence and feeling bad about yourself. If you have low self-esteem  you may often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. Or you may have a fragile sense of self and feel easily be wounded by others.

If you have low self-esteem you will tend to treat yourself badly. You will believe for example that you are morally worse than most other people. You may believe you are uglier or stupider than others. You may feel unlovable.

Alternatively, you may not want to spend money on yourself or take care of your appearance because you don't feel you 'deserve' it. You may think your opinions are not as valid as others. All of this may hold you back from doing what you really want to in life. If you are experiencing the following symptoms you may have low self esteem: 

What is the difference between confidence and

self- esteem?

"Confidence" comes from the Latin 'fidere' which means "to trust." To be self- confident is to trust in oneself, and, in particular, in one’s ability or aptitude to engage successfully or at least adequately with the world. A self-confident person is ready to rise to new challenges, seize opportunities, deal with difficult situations, and take responsibility if and when things go awry.

Although any successful experience contributes to our overall confidence, it is, of course, possible to be highly confident in one area, such as cooking or dancing, but very insecure in another, such as mathematics or public speaking.

Self-confidence and self-esteem do not always go hand in hand. In particular, it is possible to be highly self-confident and yet to have profoundly low self-esteem, as is the case, for example, with many performers and celebrities, who can perform before an audience of thousands but then damage and even kill themselves with drugs.

"Esteem" is derived from the Latin 'aestimare', meaning "to appraise, value, rate, weigh, estimate," and self-esteem is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth. More than that, it is the matrix through which we think, feel, and act, and reflects and determines our relation to ourselves, to others, and to the world.

People with a healthy self-esteem do not need to prop themselves up with externals such as income, status, or notoriety, or lean on crutches such as alcohol, drugs, or sexual conquests.

They are able to invest themselves completely in projects and people because they do not fear failure or rejection. Of course they suffer hurt and disappointment, but their setbacks neither damage nor diminish them.

Low self-esteem is a self-fulling prophecy 

The worse you feel about who you are and what you do, the less motivation you'll have to do what it takes to build your self-esteem. From there it's easy to spiral down into a cycle of negative and circular thinking, keeping you mired in damaging and erroneous beliefs.

Quick Tip: No two people are affected the same way by low self- esteem and there is no "one-size-fits-all" for treatment, but identifying the negative beliefs you have about yourself and challenging them, can gradually begin to improve things. 

5 Tips to Raise Your Self Esteem

How does a hypnosis session raise self esteem?

Hypnotherapy can also help you learn to self soothe so that you can offer your 'inner child' the comfort, support, love and encouragement that you most likely missed growing up.

Finally during a confidence session I can help you learn the 'soft skills' that will raise your sense of competency . Handling your emotions effectively is a skill. Here are some of the skills that you would need to learn in order to raise your self esteem:

Hypnosis for confidence and self esteem

Hypnosis is entirely collaborative and begins with a conversation to establish your goals. Only when we have decided on the correct course, will hypnotherapy begin.

After we identify those areas and aspects affected most we will improve coping abilities, address past potential causes, and find renewed hope and positivity.

My Hypnosis for “Reclaiming Your Self-Esteem” program will enable you to re-focus and tap into your natural confidence - a confidence that you were actually born with!

Whether our sessions are face-to-face in person or online, hypnosis can help you.
And let the changes begin!