#16 Tip for today

Xmas was the season of goodwill and drama (and I don't mean the nativity play). You may have visited family and experienced lots of blaming, judging, and complaining. This happens more easily when people get busy, are tired or emotional. 

So, today's tips are about managing your response. How to navigate our own drama or someone else's? This is number 16 in the top 22 challenges my clients experienced during 22.

When you feel triggered, you always have a choice. React or respond. However, when you are running on empty, you have less discernment available to you to help you respond appropriately.

It's always wise to stop and take a breath, or a moment to calm down, and sometimes it is good to walk away (while communicating this to the other party when you will come back).

When we are triggered, your reasoning power over what you are seeing or hearing can be disrupted because you are in the state of fight or flight and don't feel safe. Your adaptive child is in charge, not your adult self. 

When this is the case, it is better to be honest with yourself and take a moment to regroup. Ask yourself how what you are going to say or do is going to affect the other. If what you are going to say isn't kind, it is time to take a break and reconvene when you can.

If you face someone else's drama (aka someone else is getting triggered) the first step is to realise that is going on and to remember what you'd like the final outcome to be. Do you want to be right or do you want to restore harmony?

Remember that the other person is in their adaptive child and you are not talking to their adult self. You are not going to get your needs met while they are triggered. Your job is to act like the 'customer service' hub for your partner and to make them feel heard so they can come back to their adult self. 

If this is not possible because you are getting triggered by them, take a break and agree on a time when you can discuss the issue more calmly.  

Compassion for self and others is key to this. 

If you've enjoyed today's tip, check out my other micro-blogs for the previous tips to start 2023 better together!