#20 Tip for today

People-pleasing hides in many places. We tell ourselves we don't want to offend anyone by saying no. Or we may risk be frowned upon for speaking up. We want to be liked, but we also want to be ourselves, and to have our needs met, so sometimes it feels like we are balancing on a tightrope: approval and acceptance versus boundaries and looking after ourselves.

This is another wide-ranging challenge for almost everyone I met this year, whether they were individuals, group-coaching clients, or workshop attendees.

The challenge for today, number 20 in the 22 tips to start 23 better together series, is this: don't settle for less than you deserve to please others.

The tips for today relate to getting what you deserve. First, let us clarify something: although it is normal to want to be liked, when this stops us from being assertive, we need to look deeper. 

When we look to others to get approval in order to feel good about ourselves, we are putting our sense of self-worth into someone else's hands. This is a dangerous game to play because the outside world is a mirror of our inner reality. If we don't approve of ourselves, chances are very few will. So it is essential to approve of ourselves first, regardless of what other people think. 

Before entering a discussion where you want something, for example, a pay-rise, a perk, etc, decide on what you want to ask for.

Write all the reasons you feel justified in asking for that. And include your skills, qualifications and experience where necessary.

Then have a plan for how much lower than this, if at all, you're willing to accept. And don't give in!

Add a grateful expectation that everything that you desire is very much available to you and that you are fully and entirely worthy of it.

This approach can also be used in discussions at home with family, partners or friends!

If you've enjoyed today's tips, please check previous tips and advice on topics like procrastination, leaving your baggage behind in 22, getting organised and many more.