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  • Top 23 Tips to Start 2023 Better – Day 21

Written by Elisa Di Napoli / Updated on January 4, 2023  Reading Time minutes 

learn from failure


#21 Tip for today

As we nudge towards the end of the month, it's time to reveal the top challenge that my clients experienced during 2022. This is also one of my personal gnarly historic challenges.

Do you set unrealistically high standards for yourself? Push yourself really hard? Then beat yourself up if you don't achieve that high standard? Do you ever stop to reflect on your achievements or just push onto the next thing?

Perfectionism isn't wanting to be or appear perfect. It is all the above. It can cause procrastination (if I can't be sure I will succeed, I won't begin), self sabotage (I won't apply as I am not qualified) and chronic overthinking!

So today's tips focus on learning to be kinder to ourselves and to learn from 'failure':

The only person who needs to have your back is you! Seeking external validation, approval or people pleasing probably isn't cutting it, especially if you don't value, accept and appreciate yourself.

I help people learn to build their confidence, self-esteem and self belief. And learning to be kinder to myself was one of the single most life-changing experiences of my life.

You need to learn to understand why your inner critic is so loud, and what is trying to do for you. There are a lot of self investigation techniques and strategies you can learn to adopt to help you understand your inner protectors. 

Beating yourself up usually makes you feel worse. If you feel bad because you fell short of your own expectations (aka you failed) you need to see what happened as important feedback. Perhaps you need to change strategy, and in order to do this you need to set aside self-judgement. 

Perhaps you feel guilty if you did something you feel you need to apologise for; Although it is good to take responsibility, overthinking what you said or did, and re-running those conversations or events repeatedly, isn't helpful.

Again, the only things to focus on are: what did I learn and what action can I take now? Once you have internalized the lessons, it is time to move on: not easy, but possible, with the right support and encouragement.

If you're really struggling to overcome perfectionism, book yourself in for a free 30 minute chat. Read more about my story here.

Thank you for following the 23 tips to start 23 better!

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